HILLBILLIES A HOKEY JOKE

by Glenn R. Wilson Jr.

Daily Cougar Staff

 

A big-screen version of <I>The Beverly Hillbillies<P> is about as anticipated as a big-screen version of <I>The Dukes of Hazard<P>.

It just seemed like a bad idea. And in some ways it was.

Television has become a breeding ground for movies of late. Some, like <I>Wayne's World<P> and, recently, <I>The Fugitive<P>, were pretty good. Others, like <I>Coneheads<P> and <I>The Addams Family<P>, were decent. <I>The Beverly Hillbillies<P> falls in the latter category.

Director Penelope Spheeris, who also directed <I>Wayne's World<P>, has a good eye for this kind of cornball fun and the movie is pretty harmless. At its best, this is grade-school film-making. At its worst, it's just plain bad.

Fortunately she has assembled a very capable cast of characters to flesh out the famous roles. Jim Varney (of Ernest P. Worrell fame) plays a very cardboard Uncle Jed Clampett, but no one would have been better for the role. And Cloris Leachman does a bad Granny impersonation throughout the film, but she has a tough act to follow from Irene Ryan.

But Diedrich Bader (The Searcher from Fox's <I>Danger Theatre<P>) is quite likable in the actor's dream role of Jethro Clampett. In fact, he's almost good enough to make you forget about the great Max Baer. Almost.

Erika Eleniak looks very appropriate in her Elly May costumes, but there is very little doubt about which of her acting "assets" landed this role.

The supporting cast contains a couple of strong performances from Lily Tomlin (Jane Hathaway) and Rob Schneider from <I>Saturday Night Live<P> as a weasly crook. The rest just sort of limp through as if they wanted to fire their agents for even suggesting this career move.

The highlight of the film is a cameo by the series' star Buddy Ebsen. But it's too good to give away all the details, let's just say the film-makers watched a little too much TV while growing up.

All in all, it's difficult to pan a movie that is just so damned good-natured; one that just tries so hard to be liked. They just should have tried harder.

 

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GOVERNOR APPOINTS 3 TO BOARD OF REGENTS

by Rivka Gewirtz

Daily Cougar Staff

Three people, who will help to decide the fate of all UH campuses, have been appointed by Gov. Ann Richards to the Board of Regents.

Chief Executive Officer of Shell Oil Company Philip J. Carroll, attorney John M. Quinn and civic leader Kay Kerr Walker began their six year term Oct. 14.

The Board of Regents approves new academic programs, pay increases, promotions and every UH contract.

The nine regents meet six times a year to review and vote on recommendations given by UH administrators. The decisions made by the board affect all four UH campuses including 6,000 employees and 50,000 students.

"All three of these people have demonstrated a strong commitment to public service and will be tremendous stewards of the UH system and public education," said Chancellor Alexander F. Schilt.

O'Quinn, who graduated first in his class from the UH Law Center, is the founder of O'Quinn, Kerensky and McAninch law firm. He also serves as director of the Harris County Child Protective Services Fund, the Ronald McDonald House and the Texas Children's Hospital. He has given more than $4 million to UH.

Carroll, who is a Loyola University graduate, served as a trustee of the Shell Oil Company Foundation. The foundation has supported UH system programs through its annual gifts.

Having received her degree at Randolph-Macon Woman's College, Walker became an interpreter and patient representative at the Methodist Hospital and the Kelsey-Seybold Clinic. She currently serves on the UH-Victoria President's Advisory Council. Walker was also given the "South Texas Woman Award," which recognizes women who have "enhanced the quality of life in their communities."

Chuck McDonald, a spokes-man for the governor, said that regents who are chosen have diverse backgrounds and points of views. He also said the governor looks for people who will be able to help the university financially.

The three regents stepping down from the board are Dorothy J. Alcorn, Kenneth L. Lay and James L. Ketelsen. Alcorn and Lay were appointed by Gov. William Clements in 1987. Ketelson was appointed by Clements in 1989.

 

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ATHLETIC ISSUE DRIVES PETITION

by Kenny McIntire

News Reporter

Despite the organizing efforts of several UH students and the signatures of more than 450 students, there will be no question allowing students a voice concerning the future of the UH Athletic Department on this month's Dedicated Athletic Fee referendum ballot.

The seven student organizers said they started the petition in an effort to get a question with three options that would give students a choice of whether or not to fund the Athletic Department. The students were told by Students' Association speaker pro tempore Coy Wheeler that it would appear on the Oct. 27 ballot. Their hopes were dashed because the referendum, funded by the Student Service Fee Advisory Committee, refused to allow the item on the ballot.

The committee wanted only one question on the ballot. This decision was reached through an agreement between the Students' Association and SFAC the day after the petition drive ended.

Rodger Peters, co-author of the initial referendum and SFAC president, said, "We do not want to cloud the issue with another question. The issue right now is if students want a dedicated athletic fee or not, and we don't want to detract from this issue."

James Geluso, a junior history and English major and one of the organizers of the drive, said, "Jason Fuller (SA president) tells everyone that the student body wants athletics. We just want to let the students speak. I don't want athletics phased out of the university, but I don't want to have to pay for it."

Stacye Schill, a senior English major and petition worker, said, "I have nothing against athletics, but I don't want my money paying for something that will not help further my education."

Geluso said he didn't know if the ballot would have been taken seriously or not. "The Board of Regents might just throw it away, but we want them to know what we want. This is really nothing more than a public opinion poll," said Geluso.

Students can voice their opinion, but the Board of Regents has the final say on all matters, Peters said.

"This election is funded by SFAC, and if the petitioners want to have a poll then they would have to pay for it," said Peters.

The upcoming election will cost SFAC $2,800. A chief commissioner costs $416. Two assistants cost $530. Poll workers work 300 hours at $4.35 an hour, which costs $1,305. Office supplies cost $50, and advertising is another $500.

"SA doesn't pay for this, so they don't have final say on what is on the ballot," Peters said.

The SFAC referendum vote will take place on Oct. 27 and 28.

The next referendum that would allow the students to voice their preferences concerning the future of the Athletic Department will be in the spring of 1994.

 

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COUGARS TIE ONE ON AGAINST SMU

by Jason Paul Ramirez

Daily Cougar Staff

So far, the 1993 season has been a no-win situation for the Houston Cougars.

But after Saturday's South-west Conference contest with the Southern Methodist Mustangs, it showed that even when the Cougars didn't lose, they still didn't win.

Trailing 21-0 in the second quarter, the Cougars (1-4-1, 1-1-1 SWC) mounted a furious second-half comeback only to settle for a dissatisfying 28-28 tie before 15,793 at the Astrodome.

"I feel like (the tie) sucks," said Cougar head coach Kim Helton. "To me a tie doesn't give either team any sense of accomplishment."

With just over a minute left in the fourth quarter, Houston was finally in a position to break the tie and go ahead with a field goal. But kicker Trace Craft's 36-yard attempt sailed wide left.

"I remember coach Helton saying that the game was probably going to come down to me," Craft said.

But Helton said Craft cannot be blamed for the outcome.

"We played so bad the first half, we didn't have a chance to win the game in the second half," he said.

Indeed, the Cougars fell victim to the Ponies' offensive outburst as SMU (1-3-2, 1-0-1) scored touchdowns on three of their first five series for a 21-0 lead with 6:06 left in the second quarter.

Those touchdowns were courtesy of Mustangs' quarterback Mark Eldred, who threw strikes to three different receivers.

"I don't think we had a problem being aggressive in the first half," said Eldred who completed 22-of-38 passes for 399 yards, three touchdowns and no interceptions.

With the first half all SMU, the Cougars made sure the second half would be their time to turn it around.

Trailing 21-7 with 1:37 left to play in the third quarter, Houston quarterback Jimmy Klingler threw a 16-yard bullet to receiver Keith Jack in the end zone to cut the lead to 21-14.

Then, 3:32 into the fourth quarter, the Cougars tied up the ball game when running back TiAndre Sanders barreled into the end zone from ten yards out.

"During the second half, we were playing like we are capable of playing," said Klingler who threw for 316 yards, three touchdowns and no interceptions.

The Cougars appeared to have the Ponies stabled, but an 85-yard Eldred-to-James Whitmore pass helped set up the SMU go-ahead score with 9:28 left to play.

However, luck was on the Cougars' side when they once again tied things up. On third and three from the Mustang 12-yard line, Klingler fumbled the snap, evaded two tacklers, and threw into the end zone where Jack made a miraculous circus catch for a touchdown.

"I thought the pass was for me," said receiver Ron Peters. "When I looked and saw that Keith caught it, I was ecstatic."

Unfortunately, it didn't make for an ecstatic result as the tying touchdown completed the scoring for both teams.

"A tie feels about the same as a loss because you don't win," said Klingler. "You don't come into a game expecting to tie. You expect to win."

Should the NCAA propose the possibility of adding the overtime period to college football?

"I'd be for anything that would keep teams from being tied," said Helton.

But if anyone should feel bad, it should be the Mustangs. Saturday's tie was their second one in three games -- the first a 10-10 tie at Missouri.

"A tie's a tie," said Eldred. "It leaves you with that empty feeling inside."

 

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GPA CAN LEAD TO SUCCESS, SUSPENSION

by Lawrence R. Williams, Ph.D.

Grade point average (GPA) is a topic on the minds of most students.

It is the usual and easy to use measuring stick by which students compete. Employers consider it when hiring and professional and graduate schools rely on it.

Information on the UH grading system begins on page 63 of the current catalog. For instance, point values for grades are found on page 64 and these values assist you in calculating your GPA. Your GPA is reported on your grade slips and on your transcripts. The next section in your catalog contains information regarding how a course taken more than once is considered when calculating GPA (students frequently ask about this).

Page 64 ends with a section of notable interest, the "forgiven grade" policy. Although students with many credit hours will find it difficult to influence their GPA by taking a few hours to aid it, the forgiven grade policy allows removal of as many as 8 credit hours from the calculation of your GPA. Circumstances are restrictive, but I have seen the policy used to a student's advantage.

Your GPA may make the difference between graduation or not. UH requires a minimum cumulative GPA of 2.0 (on a 4.0 scale) and a minimum GPA of 2.0 in your major field of study. If you have a minor, your GPA in that minor must be 2.0 or better. Remember these are minimums and some departments or programs may enforce a higher GPA requirement. Your GPA is calculated from the credit hours earned at UH. Transfer credits do not count.

GPA also influences your ability to change your major. You must have a minimum of 2.0 in twelve credit hours earned at UH to change your major to a Natural Sciences and Mathematics department. Other colleges or departments may have similar requirements.

On page 65 begins a very important section regarding GPA. This section deals with academic notice, academic probation, and suspension. This section continues on to the next page and deserves perusal. Most importantly, the rules and regulations given in this section apply regardless of the catalog you came to UH under.

If you are placed on academic notice you must seek advising at the University Studies Division/Academic Advising Center and in the department of your major. Academic probation will be lifted if your semester or summer session GPA and your cumulative GPA are 2.0 or greater. If you are on academic probation and your semester or summer session GPA is below 2.0, you will be placed on suspension.

When you are suspended the first time, you will remain suspended at least one semester or all summer. The duration for a second suspension is at least 12 months. If suspended a third time, you are ineligible for enrollment at UH (the death penalty).

Re-admission from the first two suspensions require that you follow the procedure on page 66 of the current catalog.

Therefore, your GPA is a factor that either works in your favor or toward your demise. Studying and learning influence GPA. It sounds simple, but I know it is not. It is a shame we are stuck with such a measuring stick, but we have it and must live with it for now.

Next week we will look at a topic of rising concern at UH that many on campus say is going down the toilet: academic honesty.

Williams is an undergraduate advisor in the Biology department.

 

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INJURIES TAKE TOLL ON BACKFIELD

by Ryan Carssow

Daily Cougar Staff

Lamar Smith is out for the season. Tommy Guy is injured.

Only four running backs were available to play against Southern Methodist, and after Houston tied SMU 28-28 Saturday, only three backs were left and one of them was slightly injured.

Lawrence McPherson dislocated his shoulder and did not return. Walk-on fullback Bobby Rodriguez missed much of the game after a third-quarter collision.

"I kinda blacked out after a hard collision. I'm kinda sore right now," Rodriguez said.

McPherson's injury is more severe, but it's not as bad as Smith's. Smith dislocated his shoulder against Texas A&M. "As of now it doesn't look as bad as it could be. It's probably the best dislocation you could have. It's a little bit different from Lamar's," McPherson said.

After talking to the trainers, McPherson said he hopes to be back in three to four weeks. McPherson will have X-rays today to determine the extent of the injury.

During that time, or until Guy returns from his ankle sprain, the Cougars will rely entirely on TiAndre Sanders, converted receiver Donald Moffett and Rodriguez out of the backfield.

"It'll be tough," Rodriguez said.

Houston relied on Sanders and Moffett against SMU. Sanders ran for 88 yards and had 76 yards receiving. Moffett had 51 rushing and 55 receiving.

Numbers like those should help make up for the loss of Smith and his 622 yards of total offense.

"Lamar's a big part of our offense, but there's no excuse for not running the ball well," Moffett said.

Houston did not run the ball well in the first half, rushing for only 18 yards.

"(SMU) came out in the first half and kicked our offensive lines' butt," Sanders said. "After you yell at them awhile, they (the line) get it going."

The Cougar line opened some holes in the second half, giving Sanders and Moffett room to run. They accounted for 154 of Houston's 165 rushing and receiving yards in the fourth quarter.

"As the game went on, they rose to the occasion," said McPherson.

They must continue to do so until their teammates return.

 

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TEAMS, CHEERLEADERS PLAY GENDER-BENDING GAME

by Paula L. Pierre

News Reporter

The Quadrangle's "Quad Squad" recaptured the UH Powder Puff flag football title by beating the Moody Towers' "Towers of Power" 17 to 6 in this year's Beauty Bowl.

Deeply entrenched in tradition, the Beauty Bowl, played at Robertson Stadium, has been a part of UH's homecoming activities for 28 years.

"Originally it was a game between Law Hall and Bates Hall, which were the women's dorms," said Jerry Alwais, president of the Residence Halls Association, the event's sponsor, "but when the Towers were built, the game became a rivalry between Moody Towers and the Quadrangle."

Although the game was mostly for the women students, the men on the sidelines nearly stole the show.

Part of the tradition calls for the men to dress up as female cheerleaders and compete in the Ms. Beauty Bowl pageant.

Hairy legs, thick makeup, miniskirts, long wigs and huge balloons in tight sweaters not only added to the spectacle but overshadowed the competition on the field.

Nonetheless, many spectators were there to cheer for their fellow dorm dwellers.

This proves that football is not just for men and that you don't have to be athletically inclined to compete," said Ericka Craig, a senior industrial distribution technology major.

Spectator Todd Duffey, a sophomore RTV major, said that participating in the event shows that the UH students have spirit and they support their school.

Several spectators protested the outrageous outfits of the buxom cheerleaders saying they went too far.

"Their outfits are sexist,"Craig said. "How many cheerleaders do you see with huge breasts? Next year I hope they do without the huge breasts."

During halftime, fans got the chance to choose Ms. Beauty Bowl by cheering for their favorite cheerleader.

However, the level of audience applause left no question as to who would be crowned this year's queen.

Despite his ample bosom, this year's Ms. Beauty Bowl title went to Lee "Lee Ann" Schuppenhauer, a junior finance major.

After the announcement of his win, Schuppenhauer, in true beauty-queen tradition simply said, "I'm overwhelmed."

With the second half of the game nearly over, a controversial call by the referees charged the Quad Squad with illegally attaching the flags to the inside instead of the outside

of their uniforms.

Vanessa Price of the Towers' team said, "The velcro was inside out and you couldn't pull them off. We told the referees at the beginning of the game, but he didn't look at them until there was only 30 seconds left."

The rivalry between these two teams will continue, Price said.

"I feel we should have a rematch."

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