And now, a few words on UH

by Jesse Handy

I take pride in the fact that unlike many of my fellow columnists, I avoid campus crap. (With the exception of the whole breadstick thing, but hey, that was important, damn it.) I've been asked to voice my opinions on a few campus issues, so allow me to randomly address them.

First on the old list, the John Ivancevich General Use Fee increase, for which he became recipient of a Handy Award. Johnnie, baby, sweetheart, you wonder why enrollment is dropping? You wonder why we can't seem to get the whole "school spirit" thing going like A&M? Here's why.

Whenever a student tries to get anything done around here, he gets miles of red tape, petition forms that are either burned, shredded, mysteriously "lost," or used as toilet paper by upper-level administrators. Or they are just plain denied or ignored.

The only time the university seems to know John Q. Student is when it's time to pay tuition. A couple of hundred dollars more each semester may not seem like much to you, but you don't have to pay it.

As for the whole school spirit thing, as soon as this school "pretends" to give something more than a (vulgar sexual euphemism) about the average student who can't run faster or jump higher, you'll have your school spirit. I'm not dogging athletics (so save the hate mail). What irks me is the fact that our administrators kiss athletics' ass whenever they want anything, but tell the rest of the university to kiss theirs whenever we make any request.

Mr. Ivancevich, brother-man, here's a little newsflash: Disgruntled alumni don't donate buildings or millions of dollars to schools that screwed them as students. Think about it.

The SA elections proved to be a topic of interest, so here's my take on them.

The presidential salary. I happen to know current SA Vice President Kay To, and I can say that she, John Moore and the rest of SA work really hard and put in long hours. If you ask me, we're lucky they're not paid by the hour. They have more school spirit than UH administrators.

As for the controversy surrounding the elections, famed angry letter-to-the-editor writer Patrick Lalor ran for SA president. He's written several nasty letters to Cougar writers and columnists (including me) and because of unwritten rules of not responding to letters, we kept quiet. However, when Lalor declared himself a candidate, he became a public figure, so now, it's payback time.

Pat, baby, I won't make light of the fact that you lost the election (by a landslide!). I won't make light of the fact that the black chow dog that has adopted the UH campus (our new unofficial mascot) could have beaten you if he were on the ballot. But now, it's over.

Lalor, my man, we all have setbacks in this life, even me. But take Mick Jagger's advice: "You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you'll find you get what you need."

Handy is a senior RTV major who voted for the black chow.

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