What's with all this smoke? Maybe it's Godzilla

Ed De La Garza

I'm not in the best of moods. It's been less than two weeks since I took my last spring semester exam, and I'm already back in class. I don't relish sitting in a classroom for two hours, four days a week, but I have this insane idea that I'd like to graduate before the year 2000.

The only good thing about coming back this soon is, as The Daily Cougar's resident idiot, I have the opportunity to lash out in this here paper. Try to keep up. I feel a rant coming on.

Anyway, I'd like to pay special tribute to Mexico's unsung heroes who've been risking their lives for the past three weeks: the Mexican firefighters. Just a little bit of advice, amigos: Try putting out the fires with water instead of gasoline. You know, agua?

Maybe it's just me, but the right time to ask for assistance might have been before the fire count reached 1,000. If you're praying for rain to put them out, something tells me you don't have an adequate fire department.

Moving on, has anyone seen Godzilla? I hear it's quite stupid. Oh, but the special effects alone are worth the price of admission. Yeah, whatever. Thanks for blowing up the University of Houston, Independence Day creators, and thanks for turning Godzilla into an overgrown reject from Gremlins.

Brilliant idea of making him/her asexual. Try explaining that one to the kids. For those who haven't seen the movie (present company included), I hear Godzilla dies in the end. Oops.

Here's a little Godzilla tidbit that's just a tad ironic. The original monster was created as a message about the harmful effects of the two atomic bombs dropped on Japan in 1945. The monster, or the United States, wreaked havoc on Japan, time and time again.

As Godzilla became popular, U.S./Japan relations became friendly. Now in 1998s Godzilla, the United States is being unleashed on New York. America, in effect, is destroying America. And who owns the rights to the Godzilla franchise? Sony. Hmm ... Better start learning Japanese.

Finally, to young Kip in Eugene, Ore.: You're not going to get the death penalty, but you will get life. I hope you're as tough as your vast arsenal, because convicts love pretty boys.

De La Garza, a junior political science major, is very,

very, very disturbed.

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