Praise the lord and pass the datebook

Just another week in the life of a harmless (?) fundamental Christian

Jason

Ginsburg

Christian Fundamentalist Day Planner

Sunday

8:00 a.m. - Awake, thank the Good Lord Jesus, brush teeth.

8:30 - Leave for church.

Noon - Return to trailer from church, watch football, cheer for the Cowboys.

3:00 - Ask God's forgiveness for cheering for the Cowboys.

5:00 - Visit Mama (remember cigarettes).

7:00 - Watch Touched by an Angel, cry.

10:00 - Watch Cowboy highlights on the news, ask God to pardon my weakness and return Jimmy Johnson to the flock.

11:00 - Clean guns (for tomorrow may be Judgment Day).

Monday

8:00 a.m. - Awake, thank the Good Lord Jesus, brush teeth.

9:00 - Go to work at Denny's. Ignore black customers.

5:00 p.m. - Go to UH and set up loud speakers in front of the UC Satellite. Denounce sex, drugs, evolutionary theory.

8:00 - Return to trailer and continue letter-writing campaigns against the Fox Network, Howard Stern and Sesame Street.

11:00 - Clean guns (for tomorrow may be Judgment Day).

Tuesday

8:00 a.m. - Awake, thank the Good Lord Jesus, brush teeth.

9:00 - Go to work at Denny's. Ignore Catholic customers.

5:00 p.m. - Purchase rock CDs. Burn them in parking lot.

6:00 - Return to trailer, watch TV, write check to Pat Robertson.

9:00 - Turn off TV, pray for the souls at ABC and NYPD Blue.

11:00 - Clean guns (for tomorrow may be Judgment Day).

Wednesday

8:00 a.m. - Awake, thank the Good Lord Jesus, brush teeth.

9:00 - Go to work at Denny's. Ignore Asian customers.

6:00 p.m. - Return to trailer, watch TV, write check to Pat Buchanan.

8:30 - Turn off TV, pray for the souls at ABC and Ellen.

11:00 - Clean guns (for tomorrow may be Judgment Day).

Thursday

8:00 a.m. - Awake, thank the Good Lord Jesus, brush teeth.

9:00 - Call in sick to Denny's.

9:30 - Attend pro-life meeting.

10:00 - Chain self to abortion clinic.

11:00 p.m. - Come home from jail and clean guns (for tomorrow may be Judgment Day).

Friday

8:00 a.m. - Awake, thank the Good Lord Jesus, brush teeth.

9:00 - Go to work at Denny's. Ignore Jewish customers.

5:00 p.m. - Return to trailer, watch TV, write check to the Montana Freemen Defense Fund.

7:00 - Turn off TV, pray for the souls at ABC and Sabrina, the Teenage Witch.

9:00 - Masturbate to copy of Black Tail.

11:00 - Clean guns (for tomorrow may be Judgment Day).

Saturday

8:00 a.m. - Awake, thank the Good Lord Jesus, brush teeth.

10:00 - Go to movie theater to protest The Devil's Advocate.

9:00 p.m. - Return to trailer, watch Walker, Texas Ranger, cry.

10:00 - Additional masturbation time.

11:00 - Clean guns (for tomorrow may be Judgment Day).

Ginsburg is a senior RTV major who loves mail.

Visit The Daily Cougar