As a columnist, it's my job to dislike various things and complain about them: the media, the government, people from Mississippi, etc.
But I reserve a special distaste for the Olympic games. To me, the Olympics are just big ball of hype rolled in money - they're just the Spice Girls with skis.
Think about it. Four years ago at the Olympics, someone from some country somewhere won some medal for the luge or short track speedskating or the biathlon or some other sport that nobody gives a damn about.
At the time, such an accomplishment seemed very important. TV commentators gushed over the athlete's performance. McDonald's gave away prizes to celebrate his victory. He was a national hero.
Whatever happened to him? Did he go on to star in the pro-luge league? Did he get an endorsement contract for speedskates? Was he inducted into the biathlon hall of fame?
No, he dropped off the face of the Earth because no one cares.
The only people who really give a damn about the Olympics are the fat cats who have invested millions of dollars in it: McDonald's, Reebok, CBS, Coke, Visa, etc. And to make sure they get a return on that investment, they invest millions more in advertising and promotions to hype the games.
They program all of you sheep out there in TV-land to think that hockey is just as entertaining as basketball or football, when it's actually just a bunch of white people hitting each other with sticks. No, it's all crap, and I refuse to watch a minute of it.
I mean, who cares if some country is better at bobsledding than us? Piss on them! We live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. We don't need to compete in the Olympics to prove that we're better than the Russians or the French. They'd all be speaking German without us, but all they do is complain whenever we feel like bombing Libya or Iraq. @#%* them, and their bobsled team.
And even if we did need to prove ourselves, we certainly wouldn't do it by skiing or skating or curling.
First of all, only idiots ski. What type of a moron would throw himself down a mountain at high speeds? I find it hard to get excited about this "sport" when I hear about Michael Kennedy, Sonny Bono, Doak Walker and others being torn apart on the slopes. If Doak had been sensible and stayed home, he'd still be walking today. If God had wanted Texans to ski, he'd have moved a mountain here.
I can't get excited about skating either. Just the thought of men in tight, frilly costumes dancing on ice is extremely disturbing to me. Real athletes don't do triple lutzes and double loops. Real athletes are big and nasty! They pull down 20 rebounds, drink ten shots of scotch, then start tossing people through bar windows. That's what real athletes do, dammit.
And curling? I can't believe that some shmuck has spent his entire life training to win a curling medal, and I've never even heard of curling to begin with. @#%* that loser and @#%* curling, whatever the hell it is.
"Gosh, Jason Ginsburg must be mean and spiteful to hate the Olympics, a symbol of our global community," you say?
Yes, I am mean and spiteful and yes, I acknowledge the beauty of people from all nations snowboarding together in peace and harmony. But that doesn't mean I have to watch it ... unless, of course, they have the Spice Girls skiing with the Kennedys. I'd watch Pay Per View to see that.
Jason Ginsburg is a senior RTV major who likes to chew and spit and plans on igniting an international incident.