|Wednesday, August 4, 1999||
Volume 64, Issue 162
Moeller on Dreams
|Take my copy editing post, please!
On the average, my real job at The Daily Cougar is the most publicly visible and the least appreciated. I copy edit the paper, making sure that every comma stays put, that "Gladchuk" doesn't have that extra "c" on the front page. And if anything goes wrong, I'm the first one who gets blamed.
Well, I'd like to think I'm that important, like some kind of power behind the editorial throne who could snap at any second and slip an "Ed De La Garza sucks" into a headline somewhere. But that would just get me fired.
Then I find myself here, with a whole guest column to myself, and I'm ecstatic. Overjoyed. I mean, I finally get a chance to tell you, the readers what I really think and feel. But I have nothing to say.
So like any deadline-pressured columnist I waste a few paragraphs just telling you who I am or what I had for lunch or how many foh-tays I tank on an average night or which rude friend has sparked my ire this week.
This isn't as easy as it looks, and I'm gaining a profound respect for the full-time columnists at the paper. Trust me, there's a fine art to taking up space in an interesting, aesthetically pleasing fashion.
Fortunately, I've just hit upon an idea. Writing a "please come work for us" article is usually the editor in chief's prerogative, but since I'm already taking a few liberties with my newfound journalistic power, I'll give it a shot, and I promise I'm not just gunning for a raise when I do this. Honest.
I have had more fun working at this paper over the past three-and-a-half years than in any other group on campus, and I'm in several. The people here are more personable than your average college blokes. They're funny, sensitive, caring, just what you'd expect from an significant other. Except they don't expect you to remember anniversaries or talk about feelings.
The pay's fair and the work isn't too taxing, and gosh, it's a warm feeling you get knowing that, thanks to you, another issue of The Daily Cougar will see the light of day.
Fine, okay. I'm desperate. I graduate in May, and if I don't find some replacement copy editors post haste, Ed's threatened to handcuff me to a desk and keep me here. The pay's not that good.
So if you can read English, and I'm assuming that unless my ordered blocks of squiggles have captivated you for completely artistic reasons that you can, I will train you. We want you to work as new copy editors for the Cougar. It'll strengthen your grammar. You'll meet new friends, see the world.
Best of all, you'll have the sublime pleasure of making my acquaintance, and you'll be able to rest easy knowing that, unlike your last boss, I'll leave come May.
Come on. It's the easiest way to get involved with the campus newspaper, and Ed says my only other option is to train an infinite number of penguins to take my place. I hate penguins.
Harp is a senior English major
can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.