|Monday, November 30, 1998||
Volume 64, Issue 56
Ed De La Garza's e-mailbag reveals praise of mysterious origin, tale of Bolivian army terror
Ed De La Garza
This was supposed to be the big "thank you" column, but I couldn't think of anybody who deserved to be thanked. I'm tapped out and I've sunk to letting you fill 20 inches. Consider this a smorgasbord of the fall semester's reader responses.
Early this semester, I took it upon myself to tackle the parking and construction problem. The anti-journalist actually had to do some investigating and interviewing.
I'm a graduate student at Prairie View and was at UH yesterday. This is just a quick note to say I enjoyed your thoughts. Keep up the good work. The paper looks great.
-- B. McGowen
Well this was obviously a plant of some sort.
In trying to get some answers regarding the construction in front of the Moores School of Music, I found Mr. Tom Wray, executive director at the Physical Plant, to whom I sent a list of questions.
We are tied up, preparing for the Board of Regents meeting. If you want to come to the General Services Building Monday afternoon, I will be happy to discuss the project with you.
To which I responded: "Unfortunately, Monday's going to be a little late for me, considering my column runs on that day. I appreciate your willingness to talk, so please don't take what my column will say personally." This was met with the following.
Ed: The whole idea is to make the area more ...
You get the idea.
The semester is never complete without this type of letter, concerning a cartoon from Sept. 21:
I thought I had seen you at your worst in previous tasteless cartoon renderings, but today's truly has to be the worst. You totally missed the intent of a cartoon to be humorous or satirical, not as in this case, just plain crude.
-- T. Bridges
I framed this one and hung it over my drawing board.
This next one comes all the way from West Virginia. It's a U-Wire letter.
I'm a freshman at Marshall University. In yesterday's school paper, I found your article. After reading it I have only one thing to say. Thank you!
-- M. Radcliffe
Somebody's playing a cruel joke on me. Next up, L. Jalomo writes:
I just wanted to write and tell you that I really enjoy reading your comics. I always look at The Daily Cougar and cannot wait to read them.
I usually just skip to the crossword puzzle. M. Martinez writes:
I must first give you recognition for all the brilliant editorials, columns and comics you bring into this community. I am proud to say that every morning when I pick up The Daily Cougar, your sections are the first I take time to read. Thanks for keeping us entertained.
Does everyone feel as warm and squishy as I do?
Anyway, who can forget the flood of responses I received after my series of Pedro Oregon columns? Here's just a sampling.
No messages received.
Oh that's right. None of you cared about it. M. Pherson writes:
I guess it's true what they say about newspaper articles being worth only the first few paragraphs. I just happened to see your article lying out on the table ...
One thing you can always count on is the explanation. "I don't normally read the Cougar, but it was stuck in the bottom of the trash can and ..."
C. Parmer writes:
Please do not ever let the Cougar run "Muffin" again. It was, without a doubt, the worst comic I have ever read. Long live Perry!
OK. I don't know who's doing this, but I wish it would stop. There is no way in I could possibly have more readers than Leonard Cachola. Wait a minute. This is Cachola, isn't it?
The following is, without a doubt, the best letter ever written. If any of you know who this "U.B. Marx" is, tell him to apply for a job as a columnist. U.B., you're my hero.
Because of your horrible newspaper, my family has been shattered. My sister, Weebee, wrote a note to you based on your last wrestling column, which was a meaningful piece that touched us all. She sent the note to what she thought was your e-mail address, "firstname.lastname@example.org," and now she has been drafted into the Bolivian army.
Apparently that address is but a front for a South American counterterrorism program. Two days later, storm troopers barged into our home and dragged Weebee away. Since then, we've seen her on the news twice. You can't miss her -- she's the one with a .50 caliber machine gun in one hand and an Austin 3:16 foam finger in the other.
In the future, please make sure whoever edits this tripe gets the e-mail address. You know, the employment clause in the Americans with Disabilities act does not mean you have to hire the mentally deficient to perform tasks that require critical functions.
That's it for now. Be good to one another, and send me cash.
De La Garza, a senior English major,
can be reached at email@example.com.