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Thursday, February 18, 1999
Houston, Texas
Volume 64, Issue 96






Backstrom on majors

Staff Editorial

Editorial Cartoon



About the Cougar
 

Rambling on ... Tales of cowboys, Nazis and love

Brandon Moeller

Lately, I've been about as productive as a smoker without an umbrella in a rainstorm. So instead of writing a column that focuses on one issue this week, I have decided to write about ah hell, you can figure it out.

Cowboys need a place to play after 2 a.m.

This past weekend, I was sitting in JoJo's around 2 a.m. with some friends when I overheard a group of three people coming from the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo Cookoff. They were decked out in starched jeans and Stetson hats. They were loud. They were rowdy. They were drunk.

None of this really bothered me. Then the female blurted out quite loudly, "It usually only takes three to five seconds for my clothes to come off ..."

The conversation at our table abruptly stopped, and so did theirs. The girl kept smiling, and the two guys just kind of looked at each other. They left soon after that.

The point of my story is this: How come the Waterwall, located near the Galleria, next to the Transco Tower, hasn't been on late at night? I thought they kept that enormous monument of wasted water and money going all the time, as if to say, "Ha, ha, we have money and we know how to waste it."

I'm pretty sure that if there were something to keep the horny drunkards of Houston busy, my friends and I would have been able to enjoy our water and coffee without somebody else referring to alcohol-induced sex.

Seriously folks, there's nothing wrong with free speech or what the cowgirl said. All I am saying is that sex is good, but sex and water is wetter.

To hell with UH's parking lot Nazis

This topic really gets me irritated, even though I don't have a car on campus. I'm sure that if I did, the UH parking Nazis would find some reason for me to cough up $20 here and $20 there for ridiculous and insane fines. Why should UH pay these wanna-be cops to cause us grief?

I can see a new slogan for UH now: Come to UH, where we'll gladly accept you no matter what, but don't park here, or we'll sadistically ticket or tow your car.

I highly doubt that UH makes a profit on these tickets. After all, they have to pay a bunch of monkey-esque lunatics to go around every day and make sure that, gasp, you don't park where you're not supposed to. So why does our university shell out paychecks for people who only make us pay more than we should, for a right that should be as free and undeniable as clean air and hallucinogen-free water in residences?

Because they say so. 

The University could simply abolish the permit system (after a council of students voted for the abolishment) and include a little charge on the fee bill for everyone who attends here. That way, all students -- even students without cars -- will pay a small amount to be able to park wherever they can.

Most students that live on campus without cars might be able to afford one someday, after winning a drunken dorm poker game, and parking anywhere near campus would cause them to immediately face a charge. Or what if those students aren't good at poker, but their parents are? They come to campus in the middle of the day for a harmless game, leaving the car for an hour in a parking lot, only to find that they have been charged 20 smackers. Where's the justice?

Another alternative would be to charge a fair daily rate for those students or friends and family of students who don't normally park there, and likewise, keep the existing permit system. Money will still be created for the University -- and savage parking lot Nazis will be unemployed. 

What do parking permits teach students anyway? I mean, we come to a university to learn, so what do these damn permits teach us? If you live on campus, then you are able to purchase an exclusive residence hall permit that allows you to park closer to the dorms than you normally would be able to. What does this teach students? Got money, got privilege

I thought UH was all about teaching us that that isn't always the case. After all, UH is a fairly inexpensive school that has a high standard for equality -- of all sorts. I say they open up all the lots, and the first person to get to a space earns it. That way students walk away with a better lesson learned, or would that be too risqué for a university whose main goal is to mirror UT?

An update on the water crisis

A few weeks ago, I wrote a column about the water in the dorms ("Is water supposed to be brown?" Jan. 28). I would like to say that the problem has now mysteriously fixed itself, but it hasn't. I woke up one morning, and, what do you know, the faucet gnarled at me. It spat out a bunch of brown water before returning to the normal color. Oh well. 

This shouldn't be a big deal, you might say, but it is. I am paying for rent here ... and unless they get these utility problems fixed, they're lying to potential students who may want to live here, but are unaware of the mysterious substances that are in the water that they may drink.

I guess I should be more optimistic. The hallucinogens that are mixed in the could-be-unfiltered water are fun on an empty stomach.

An update on my love life

OK, so instead of writing a real column this week, I have resorted to an ancient columnist trick known as the "tell the reader what they could hardly care less about regarding the outcomes of previous columns they probably didn't read" trick. Regarding last week's column about how love was driving me to insanity, I have the following statement to give: "Yes."

Since I'm all about not leaving readers in the dark, the column worked and I was able to convince her that I was truly insane -- for her. I'm now happy to report that I'm smiling again, despite failing that damn chemistry test.

Fan/hate mail

In this next section, I'd like to discuss the mail I've received so far this semester, regarding these incessant ramblings.

Not much to say, because I haven't received any.

So, as a loyal reader, if you come across something that you feel should be corrected, commented on or just downright trashed, please, by all means, let me or any other writer of this paper know. Afraid to speak to us narrow-minded, ego-inflated idiots who write or draw? Then write to our editor. It is your duty as an American. Or at least an active audience.

Send an e-mail and give me something to write about next week. And try to avoid drunk cowboys.

Brandon Moeller

Lately, I've been about as productive as a smoker without an umbrella in a rainstorm. So instead of writing a column that focuses on one issue this week, I have decided to write about ah hell, you can figure it out.

Cowboys need a place to play after 2 a.m.

This past weekend, I was sitting in JoJo's around 2 a.m. with some friends when I overheard a group of three people coming from the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo Cookoff. They were decked out in starched jeans and Stetson hats. They were loud. They were rowdy. They were drunk.

None of this really bothered me. Then the female blurted out quite loudly, "It usually only takes three to five seconds for my clothes to come off ..."

The conversation at our table abruptly stopped, and so did theirs. The girl kept smiling, and the two guys just kind of looked at each other. They left soon after that.

The point of my story is this: How come the Waterwall, located near the Galleria, next to the Transco Tower, hasn't been on late at night? I thought they kept that enormous monument of wasted water and money going all the time, as if to say, "Ha, ha, we have money and we know how to waste it."

I'm pretty sure that if there were something to keep the horny drunkards of Houston busy, my friends and I would have been able to enjoy our water and coffee without somebody else referring to alcohol-induced sex.

Seriously folks, there's nothing wrong with free speech or what the cowgirl said. All I am saying is that sex is good, but sex and water is wetter.

To hell with UH's parking lot Nazis

This topic really gets me irritated, even though I don't have a car on campus. I'm sure that if I did, the UH parking Nazis would find some reason for me to cough up $20 here and $20 there for ridiculous and insane fines. Why should UH pay these wanna-be cops to cause us grief?

I can see a new slogan for UH now: Come to UH, where we'll gladly accept you no matter what, but don't park here, or we'll sadistically ticket or tow your car.

I highly doubt that UH makes a profit on these tickets. After all, they have to pay a bunch of monkey-esque lunatics to go around every day and make sure that, gasp, you don't park where you're not supposed to. So why does our university shell out paychecks for people who only make us pay more than we should, for a right that should be as free and undeniable as clean air and hallucinogen-free water in residences?

Because they say so. 

The University could simply abolish the permit system (after a council of students voted for the abolishment) and include a little charge on the fee bill for everyone who attends here. That way, all students -- even students without cars -- will pay a small amount to be able to park wherever they can.

Most students that live on campus without cars might be able to afford one someday, after winning a drunken dorm poker game, and parking anywhere near campus would cause them to immediately face a charge. Or what if those students aren't good at poker, but their parents are? They come to campus in the middle of the day for a harmless game, leaving the car for an hour in a parking lot, only to find that they have been charged 20 smackers. Where's the justice?

Another alternative would be to charge a fair daily rate for those students or friends and family of students who don't normally park there, and likewise, keep the existing permit system. Money will still be created for the University -- and savage parking lot Nazis will be unemployed. 

What do parking permits teach students anyway? I mean, we come to a university to learn, so what do these damn permits teach us? If you live on campus, then you are able to purchase an exclusive residence hall permit that allows you to park closer to the dorms than you normally would be able to. What does this teach students? Got money, got privilege

I thought UH was all about teaching us that that isn't always the case. After all, UH is a fairly inexpensive school that has a high standard for equality -- of all sorts. I say they open up all the lots, and the first person to get to a space earns it. That way students walk away with a better lesson learned, or would that be too risqué for a university whose main goal is to mirror UT?

An update on the water crisis

A few weeks ago, I wrote a column about the water in the dorms ("Is water supposed to be brown?" Jan. 28). I would like to say that the problem has now mysteriously fixed itself, but it hasn't. I woke up one morning, and, what do you know, the faucet gnarled at me. It spat out a bunch of brown water before returning to the normal color. Oh well. 

This shouldn't be a big deal, you might say, but it is. I am paying for rent here ... and unless they get these utility problems fixed, they're lying to potential students who may want to live here, but are unaware of the mysterious substances that are in the water that they may drink.

I guess I should be more optimistic. The hallucinogens that are mixed in the could-be-unfiltered water are fun on an empty stomach.

An update on my love life

OK, so instead of writing a real column this week, I have resorted to an ancient columnist trick known as the "tell the reader what they could hardly care less about regarding the outcomes of previous columns they probably didn't read" trick. Regarding last week's column about how love was driving me to insanity, I have the following statement to give: "Yes."

Since I'm all about not leaving readers in the dark, the column worked and I was able to convince her that I was truly insane -- for her. I'm now happy to report that I'm smiling again, despite failing that damn chemistry test.

Fan/hate mail

In this next section, I'd like to discuss the mail I've received so far this semester, regarding these incessant ramblings.

Not much to say, because I haven't received any.

So, as a loyal reader, if you come across something that you feel should be corrected, commented on or just downright trashed, please, by all means, let me or any other writer of this paper know. Afraid to speak to us narrow-minded, ego-inflated idiots who write or draw? Then write to our editor. It is your duty as an American. Or at least an active audience.

Send an e-mail and give me something to write about next week. And try to avoid drunk cowboys.

Moeller, despite fighting "The Man," hasn't had an e-mail message in months.
He can be reached at brandonmoeller@hotmail.com.
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