Monday, April 24, 2000
Houston, Texas
Volume 65, Issue 139

Cougar Comics Online
Nandagiri on spring

Staff Editorial

Letters to the Editor

Editorial Cartoon


About the Cougar

Elian's tale similar to Star Wars epic

Xavier Trevino

Imagine this, you're sound asleep in your bed dreaming of sugar plums, Pokémon or whatever else goes through your sick mind, and boom! Several men come busting into your house like Charlie Sheen in Navy Seals and point a gun at your face saying, "We've come for you, boy."

Well this happened to Élian Gonzalez, the little Cuban boy we have come to love or hate. By the way, his name is an anagram for "alien," but that's just bitter irony.

The fact of the matter is that INS did go a bit overboard with this little raid, but the ends justified the means. They did get the boy out despite scaring him half to death. Imagine waking up to cries of "Red team go, red team go!" Now there are pictures of the whole thing plastered all over the Internet. Chilling indeed.

The truth behind the whole thing is that this is one of those "gateway" cases. The decisions made here would have a great impact on similar ones in the future. This story is like a fairy tale. A mother giving her life so that her child could live in what she considers a better way of life. I'm just waiting for the TV movie to come out, but wait ... it already has.

Ever heard of a little-known cinematic piece of science fiction known as Star Wars?

The way I see it is Élian is like Luke Skywalker. His mother risked her life to keep her child away from her father and the Empire. Except in this case the Empire is communist Cuba, and Fidel Castro is playing the part of Emperor Palpatine. Elian's father will of course be starring as Darth Vader, whose goal it is to raise his child in the shadows of the communist empire.

Élian was to be raised by his aunt and uncle in a very hot place. South Florida is not Tatooine, but it will suffice for our version of the story.

Bill Clinton will play the part of Jabba the Hut and Janet Reno will be that guy who stands next to Jabba. I have yet to work Boba Fett into this part of the script, but he will be played by Jet Li. Anyway, back to the story at hand.

In our modernized version, Luke was discovered by Jabba, who sent those pig-like barbarian guys to capture Luke on his moisture farm.

Upon his capture, Élian ... err Luke, would be reunited with his Darth Father. They would then return to the Empire where Luke would be instructed in the path of the dark side, a.k.a. communism. 

So now where does this leave us? 

As I gaze into my apocalyptic crystal ball, I foresee little Élian rising to power quickly as a child, mainly because of his constant uttering of "Whazzup?" which amuses his classmates greatly. Also, Elian's skills as a Pokémon trainer grew exponentially while in the states, and he will crush his lesser classmate trainers in Pokémon battles. This too will earn him respect and accord.

Yet, all the while he will have a growing hatred for the United States and for democracy. This will push him to bring about the end of the States. His father will also praise him by saying, "Your hatred has made you strong, young Élian."

Elian's popularity and hatred will bring him to power in Cuba, and thus the United States will have created its greatest enemy ... but that's just speculative.

All apocalyptic visions aside, the boy does belong back with his father and if he had been allowed to stay, the United States would be flooded with parents sending their children to live with relatives here. I do not think UPS and FedEx are ready for those packages.

The death of his mother on their voyage was a sad matter. Yet, all any parent wants is the safety and happiness of their child. I think he will have a happy life with his father, who now will probably have a greater appreciation for his child since he almost lost him to a death at sea. Situations like that make you evaluate your life and the lives of those around you. Imagine a stepchild almost dying because of the actions of your ex. You would do everything in your power to make sure your child lives a long happy life, I know I would.

The bond between parent and child is unmistakable and something that this humble columnist cannot put into black and white print. No, I don't like communism, and, yes, his mother died bringing him to the United States. But he is not my child. He belongs with his father, even though he will bring about the end of days. May the force be with you, Élian. 

Trevino, a junior MIS major, 
can be reached at ResplendentCrane@Aol.com.


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