|Wednesday, September 29, 1999||
Volume 65, Issue 27
punch; the Ultimate Ed-stravaganza returns
The Wrestling Report
By Ed De La Garza
Was Unforgiven unforgettable? Save for one match, the WWF's September pay-per-view didn't offer anything new, other than seeing the British Bulldog back in the ring. The Bulldog has been inexplicably thrown in the World Title mix.
Bereft of main-eventers and suffering from "HHH-itis," Vince McMahon has been forced to fall back on an artificial feud between Davey Boy Smith and newly crowned WWF World Champion Hunter Hearst Helmsley. Does it work? Absolutely not.
For a while, it seemed as though everyone felt the WWF's next big star was HHH. He seemed to have the charisma necessary to be deemed a superstar. The company's first mistake was turning Helmsley heel.
No one cares about Triple H or his attempts to show everyone how much of a bad guy he is. He is the hunter. He is the game. Whatever. The man runs out of things to say after a minute. It doesn't work. If you're not going to put the belt on Steve Austin, put it on the most over wrestler in the promotion: the Rock.
The best match of the night saw X-Pac subbing for Ken Shamrock against Jericho. These two fought while both were in WCW two years ago. The match was a clinic worthy of its place in the upper card.
The rest of the card went as follows: Al Snow defeated the Big White Trash to retain the Hardcore Title. The New Age Outlaws held onto the Tag Team Titles by defeating the team of Edge and Christian. Ivory retained the Women's Championship in a thrilling match against the lovely Luna.
The Acolytes defeated the Dudley Boys. In a reverse decision, Jeff Jarrett defeated Chyna after a scab referee pointed out that Chyna had used an international object. Jarrett retained the Intercontinental Title. D-Lo re-captured European gold when he beat Mark Henry, and Val Venis defeated Steve Blackman with a money shot.
Yes, Halloween Havoc is still three weeks away, but that hasn't stopped WCW from plodding -- uh, planning its October PPV.
The rumored card includes Hulk Hogan vs. Sting (Part 95) for the World Title, Goldberg vs. Sid for the meaningless U.S. Title, Bret Hart vs. Lex Luger, Ric Flair vs. Diamond Dallas Page in a "Put me out of my misery match" and Chris Benoit vs. Rick Steiner in a "Damn, I used to be the U.S. Champion" match.
Please Lord. Please let this be building to a Hogan vs. Hart match at Starrcade '99. Please let this be one of the last cards to feature Hogan in the main event. Please let him blow out his knee.
OK -- now that was a bit harsh ...
It occurred to me that it's almost October and I haven't mentioned anything about the return of my totally scripted, completely meaningless, done-only-for-self-promotion "Fantasy PPV."
Those of you who've been with me since my days as a lowly cartoonist/columnist to my zenith as editor of Houston's second largest daily newspaper will remember the last event. Basically, I make the matches, pitting a wrestler from the WWF against a wrestler from WCW. Considering the company's gone national, I may include a match featuring ECW wrestlers.
I book the angles, offering all the information needed to put on a logical, yet completely imaginary, fake match. That's where you, the reader (no, no -- it can't always be about me), come in. You book the finish. After seeing the entire card, you'll be asked to submit your votes for winner of each match.
The results will be posted in the Dec. 1 issue of The Daily Cougar.
So far, this year's fake participants include from the WWF Steve Austin, the Rock, Triple H, Chris Jericho, Mick Foley, the team of Kane and X-Pac, Jeff Jarrett and the Acolytes.
From WCW, Hulk Hogan, Bill Goldberg, Bret Hart, Hardcore Hak, Randy Savage, DDP, the Outsiders and the Filthy Animals join in on the make-believe fun (geez, that's a cheesy line).
You may ask "But Ed, how do I participate? How can I let my voice be
heard?" Good question. Simply e-mail me via the address at the bottom of
this column. Then you hope I actually use your ideas.
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