Lahna Turner turns folk
music into whiny, needy manifesto
Life As A Human
Eye Candy Records
By Kristin Buchanan
Daily Cougar Staff
Blatant stupidity has a new face: Lahna
Don't let the air-brushed photos on the
cover or the blue leopard-print graphics on the CD fool you -- Turner is
not nearly as cool as the image she tries to maintain. Her music reflects
ideology that women have tried to overcome for decades.
Life As A Human should be renamed
Life As A Half-Wit.
On paper, the concept for her album is
pretty good: world-conscious folk music integrating xylophone, whistles,
sitar and diggerydoo. She even includes pictures from India featuring a
camel fair in Rajasthan, a boy working in the field and a beggar holding
up a metal cup.
Being aware of other cultures in music
is a good thing; producing noise pollution and trying to pass it off as
music is not. Turner gives whiny folk music a bad name.
The lyrics in "Cloudy Blue Skies" reflect
the pathetic dependence on men that Turner subjects herself. She sings,
"(He) had an affair/ But I couldn't care/ 'Cause he looks after me."
releases Life as a Human, an album focusing mainly on relationships.
Photo courtesy of
Eye Candy Records
The song's protagonist would rather be
in a relationship with someone who cheats on her than be alone. The word
that comes to mind here: "pitiful."
"1000 Men," testifies that 1,000 men couldn't
take her away from her love. This song sounds like Mazzy Star under the
influence of a massive amount of narcotics. The message behind this song
is one of weakness and obsession.
Songs like "Yin Yang" are proof that there
are some notes Turner should simply not sing. She seems oblivious to the
fact that she is not a soprano. She repeatedly sings high notes with a
vocal tone that could be compared to nails on a chalkboard.
Lyrics like, "I'm just down here waiting
for the Yin to match my Yang," describe her endless search for love. Perhaps
she's pursuing it so fervently that she seems to be scaring men off.
Life as a Human reveals that Turner
is an idealist and a dreamer who needs to awaken to the reality that she
has a disturbing addiction to relationships.
The folk song story-telling tradition finally
comes to life in "Betty." Unfortunately, this story has no plot. The song
is about a woman who divorces her unappreciative husband and starts a new
life in the South.
In "Trapeze Artist Man," Turner makes a
valiant attempt at being deep. The song starts off with a drum roll, then
blasts off with annoying circus music that is interwoven with Turner's
She sings about how she made her way through
all the men in the circus, then found love with a trapeze artist. The metaphor
is fully manifested when the trapeze artist drops her, symbolizing the
end of their relationship.
"Walking," is the best song on the album
because it only offers 1.4 seconds of torture. "Walking" is an a capella
gospel song that includes harmonization with an off-key alto.
Even though most of Life as a Human
is innovative, Turner attempts to ride the wave of a big trend on the bonus
This song has a harder edge than the rest
of the album and includes syncopation and vocal effects. There's even a
rap solo from Little Baller. This track was quite an effort, but it doesn't
Even though the music is annoying and the
lyrics are poorly written, Turner is a good little hostess. She kindly
serves up a fine whine to accompany all the cheese on her album.