Tuesday, April 2, 2002 Volume 67, Issue 121


Term 'tax credit' gets a new meaning

Randy Woock

Taking someone's money against his or her will is typically known as theft, unless you work for the Internal Revenue Service, in
which case it is called "taxation."

Tax time's coming. Time for you to pay the Man like the sharecropping bunch of peasants you all are. Why should you pay your
taxes? Why give up between 17 and 30 percent of the funds you wasted your year slaving away for?

Well, you remember the bullies in grade school or junior high who'd steal your lunch money, right? Remember what they'd do if you
refused to cooperate? That's right, it was a sound and supreme butt-kickin' that was sent your way. It is the same basic idea with the
government and your taxes, except the bullies never pretended they needed your money to help you. They did not, in addition to
taking your money, attempt to control the rest of your life with rules and regulations. In other words, along with being their victim they
didn't feel the need to make you their slave.

Sure, you could point out useful things your tax dollars go to things like roads and schools and other social services. Very useful
things, all of these, and all together they comprise, at most, 15 percent or so of your tax dollar. The other 85 percent or so goes to
purchasing weapons to kill dark-skinned people on the other side of the globe, corporate welfare, supporting bloated bureaucratic
structures, funding despotic regimes and paying law enforcement agencies to harass and monitor your worthless, peasant self.

It's obvious that the whole purpose of government is to take as much of your money as possible while spending as little of it back on
you as it can. Hence the fact that no matter what promises they make to the collective sheepdom of America during elections, every
president in the last 30 years has raised taxes while slashing social services every single one.

They've all decreased social services (i.e., the programs that do the unthinkable act of spending your money on you) while
increasing the war I mean "defense" budget.

And if that's the way it's going to be, fine. Great. If my tax dollars are going to be used to protect American oil interests overseas
whoops, I mean "spread democracy" while supporting the police state that monitors me here, so mote it be.

But at the very least I want credit for it. No more anonymous donations to the "American murder machine" for this proud citizen; if my
taxes are going to pay for guns, ammunition and other death-dealing pieces of ordinance, then I want people to know where their
wounds are coming from. I want ammunition belts with each bullet on them marked, "Your son's life taken courtesy of the tax dollars
of Randy Woock."

Maybe there could even be smiling pictures of my ugly mug adorning land mines and other anti-personnel devices. That way, when
some hapless civilians accidentally get their legs blown off, they know exactly who's responsible.

Give credit where credit's due. If PBS can mention the names of its major sponsors on the air, then I want the world to know that all
the dead and maimed Afghan children couldn't have occurred without the proper funding from yours truly.

And hey, maybe we can get corporate funding in on this unique advertising idea. Imagine yourself in some mud and brick village in
Asia. Everyone looks up upon hearing a strange whistling sound, and the last thing you and your family see is a cruise missile
headed straight for you, bearing on its side something as universally recognizable as the Golden Arches...

Don't let the politicians fool you with their finger-pointing at welfare and other social services as to where your tax dollars go. The vast
majority of them head straight into the coffers of military contractors to help kill and subjugate people around the world. And I'm cool
with that, so long as we all get the credit we have coming to us, because none of this would be possible without your support.

So don't forget to pay your taxes.

Woock, a senior psychology major,
can be reached at nrrandy@hotmail.com.

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