WWF's No Mercy pits Stone Cold
against Kurt Angle
The Wrestling Report
Ed De La Garza
Professional wrestling is the greatest thing to happen to the civilized
world since democracy.
No other form of entertainment brings together so many people from the
broadest of spectrums. No other form of entertainment means more to so
many people. No other form of entertainment makes people sit at their computers
for days on end posting musings on why The Rock should run for president
There is no better way to spend your Monday nights than in front of
the television watching greased-up men putting special holds on each other.
Where else do people compete for the title of "best sign writer?"
No, really, I lie awake at night hoping Hulk Hogan makes his long-awaited
return. Every month, I wait at the newsstand in gleeful anticipation of
the next WWF magazine.
I wonder why most people laugh as they see me walk by in my wrestling
mask. I wonder why more people don't think about wrestling as a career
Wrestling is not dead! On the contrary, it's making a huge comeback.
It's about to dominate cable television again. It's about to re-enter mainstream
consciousness. It's about to get … it's about to … uhh …
No mercy for you
The WWF will present its annual No Mercy on Sunday. If you have $30
to spare, and I know all you college students do, it should be a barnburner
of an event. Don't miss it. These predictions are meant for entertainment
purposes only, and should not be used to place illegal bets.
WWF World Title: Steve Austin (champion) vs. Kurt Angle vs. Rob Van
Who do you root for? Is it the great American hero from Pittsburgh,
or those damn foreigners from Texas and Michigan? I for one hope Angle
strikes a blow against terrorism by reclaiming the title.
Van Dam may not win the title, but he'll put up a good fight. If nothing
else, it'll show the bookers why he should headline Survivor Series. Prediction:
WCW World Title: The Rock (champion) vs. Chris Jericho
Jericho's being billed as the superstar who can't win the big match.
It reeks of a heel turn. Something big is going down during this match.
If The Rock drops the title, it'll be because Jericho joined the Alliance.
It makes no sense to have two WWF guys fighting over the WCW belt. But
there I go bringing logic into wrestling again. Prediction: Y2J.
WWF Intercontinental Title: Christian (champion) vs. Edge
If there is one reason to spend $30 to watch wrestling at home; if there
is one reason to sit through the undercard; if there is one reason to set
your VCRs and save the tape for posterity, this ladder match is it. No,
Aside from the RVD/Austin angle, this is the best thing the WWF has
going. Christian's heel is the best since Jericho's run in the real WCW.
And Edge hasn't turned into a whiny face character. Prediction: Expect
plenty of bumps.
And now the undercard …
Bodies will fly and vicious blows will be dealt. And that's just the
Undertaker will try to end Booker T's career while Test pulls his best
Kevin Nash impersonation when he takes on Kane. Oh, and Torrie Wilson will
strip Stacy Keibler naked!
Well, she may not get naked, but both of them will be wrestling in lingerie.
I'm sure the rest of the card will be fleshed out by Smackdown,
but expect some pointless encounter involving X-Pac and a match showcasing
Hurricane Helms' never-ending fight against evil.
Predictions: Undertaker, Kane and Torrie Wilson will strip Stacy Keibler