The Trash Man cleans out the kitty
The Trash Man
Friend and foe alike, welcome to the Trash Man's domain.
Since I know it's coming, you can send your (hat)e-mail to email@example.com.
It's the home of queens, bad football and bearcats. Sounds like a really
happy and magical place.
Known nationally as the "Queen City," Cincinnati offers plenty for tourists.
You could visit the always exciting Oktoberfest-Zinzinnati or if you're
black, you can look forward to getting beaten or even killed by the Cincinnati
Oh, Cincinnati, the land of frolicking fun.
The Queens boast about how they have one the oldest programs in college
Who cares? The milk in my refrigerator is old, but do you see me gloating
How about bragging about how successful its program has been? Oh wait,
you would've actually had to have some semblance of success to do that,
now wouldn't you?
And much like your favorite son, Pete Rose and the Hall of Fame, the
Queens and success will never go together.
The Queens' proudest tradition, beginning their football program in
1885, makes me think of all the datelines and advancements this country
has made since the 19th century.
There have been two world wars. The television was invented. Hell, Milli
Vanilli even won a Grammy. And in 113 years, the Queens have participated
in five bowl games.
That is not a typo. The Queens have been to one bowl every 22.6 years.
And here I thought Queens liked … uhh … bowls.
The Queens are officially known as the "Bearcats."
The Trash Man has heard of bears. And he's heard of cats.
But a "bearcat?" Come on, Queens, I know your half-canine/half-feline
selves can do better than that.
Yeah, I read all about Leonard K. "Teddy" Baehr, save it. It's an uninteresting
story that only serves to torture people -- much like your football team.
Queens, hopefully you can join "Men Fist" in doing us all a favor and
dropping your football program. If that's not possible, I wonder if Kenyon
Martin has any eligibility remaining?
It's so bad that the Cincinnati Reds would probably whip you 24-10 at
Queens, I'll be honest with you: Your football program and your city
are like stating that Memphis is west of Nashville -- you're a mistake,
a mistake that UH will erase Saturday at Homecoming.
We know underdogs can rise up and whip you because the Dayton YMCA toasted
your paws in 1891.
But hey, at least you're better than the Bengals.