Thursday, November 29, 2001 Volume 67, Issue 68



The Trashman stuffs leftover turkeys into the incinerator

The Trashman

Keenan Singleton

Sorry boys and girls, it's time to close the lid, for this will be the last "Trashman" of the semester. But there's still plenty of trash to dispose.

But before I address our next opponent, the Georgia Bulldogs, I need to redress Alabama-Birmingham and undress a few people.

In case you missed it, the previous "Trashman" featured UAB. Offended by my remarks, the citizens from the great state of Alabama (note the
sarcasm) collected the nine remaining brain cells in the state and actually figured out how to use a computer. Congratulations, Alabama,
welcome to the 21st century. 

After reading my last column they cried to UAB's president and urged her to demand an apology. 

But the story doesn't end there, Cougar fans. UH President Arthur K. Smith joined the fracas. First George W. Bush, now Smith, what is it about
un-elected presidents? 

Maybe it's the holiday season making me feel this way, but I'm willing to give UAB an apology. I'm sorry for giving your backward,
Third-world-state some publicity. I'm sorry that you'll never get invited to a bowl game. That's the only apology you'll get from me. Ha!

The bin's getting full, so for the final time this year, let's take out the trash.

The Cougars will break one streak Saturday and continue another. UH will halt its current 14-game losing skid and build on our 2-0-1 winning
mark against Georgia.

Contrary to popular belief, the "G" emblazoned on the helmet of the Georgia Bulldogs doesn't represent "Georgia" -- no, its means "gloating."

Even more than Narcissus himself, Georgia is head over heels in love with itself. I know you're Bulldogs, but geez Georgia, pull your heads out
of your asses.

Unlike many of our opponents from this season, Georgia actually has tradition --but not that much. They claim to have "built the standard in
college football" -- I didn't make that up, it's on page 189 of their 2001 media guide. All they have to do is look directly west (Alabama) or turn
their heads southeast (Florida) to gaze at two schools with far more prestige than themselves. 

UGA, check your voicemail, you have one message -- like your inane mascot UGA VI, you stink.

Athens has dubbed itself as "The Classic City." What's so classical about Athens? Nothing. Its biggest attractions are (in no particular order) a
tree that owns itself and an inoperative double-barreled cannon. That's not classic, that's pathetic. I can't even make up material that good.

UGA opened its doors in 1785, and its football program began in 1892. With more than 100 years of competition, the tradition should be a
given. There's no reason to beat your chest daily about it.

Arguably the football program's most heralded star -- Terrell Davis, now of the Denver Broncos -- tarnished the silver on their britches. Davis
was caught with his pants down (literally) and was forced to testify at the infamous Gold Club (a gentleman's club) over the summer.

Just like my man Terrell, I'll enjoy watching the Cougars strip the Bulldogs. Cougars, 36-30.

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