The Trashman stuffs leftover
turkeys into the incinerator
Sorry boys and girls, it's time to close
the lid, for this will be the last "Trashman" of the semester. But there's
still plenty of trash to dispose.
But before I address our next opponent,
the Georgia Bulldogs, I need to redress Alabama-Birmingham and undress
a few people.
In case you missed it, the previous "Trashman"
featured UAB. Offended by my remarks, the citizens from the great state
of Alabama (note the
sarcasm) collected the nine remaining
brain cells in the state and actually figured out how to use a computer.
welcome to the 21st century.
After reading my last column they cried
to UAB's president and urged her to demand an apology.
But the story doesn't end there, Cougar
fans. UH President Arthur K. Smith joined the fracas. First George W. Bush,
now Smith, what is it about
Maybe it's the holiday season making me
feel this way, but I'm willing to give UAB an apology. I'm sorry for giving
Third-world-state some publicity. I'm
sorry that you'll never get invited to a bowl game. That's the only apology
you'll get from me. Ha!
The bin's getting full, so for the final
time this year, let's take out the trash.
The Cougars will break one streak Saturday
and continue another. UH will halt its current 14-game losing skid and
build on our 2-0-1 winning
mark against Georgia.
Contrary to popular belief, the "G" emblazoned
on the helmet of the Georgia Bulldogs doesn't represent "Georgia" -- no,
its means "gloating."
Even more than Narcissus himself, Georgia
is head over heels in love with itself. I know you're Bulldogs, but geez
Georgia, pull your heads out
of your asses.
Unlike many of our opponents from this
season, Georgia actually has tradition --but not that much. They claim
to have "built the standard in
college football" -- I didn't make that
up, it's on page 189 of their 2001 media guide. All they have to do is
look directly west (Alabama) or turn
their heads southeast (Florida) to gaze
at two schools with far more prestige than themselves.
UGA, check your voicemail, you have one
message -- like your inane mascot UGA VI, you stink.
Athens has dubbed itself as "The Classic
City." What's so classical about Athens? Nothing. Its biggest attractions
are (in no particular order) a
tree that owns itself and an inoperative
double-barreled cannon. That's not classic, that's pathetic. I can't even
make up material that good.
UGA opened its doors in 1785, and its football
program began in 1892. With more than 100 years of competition, the tradition
should be a
given. There's no reason to beat your
chest daily about it.
Arguably the football program's most heralded
star -- Terrell Davis, now of the Denver Broncos -- tarnished the silver
on their britches. Davis
was caught with his pants down (literally)
and was forced to testify at the infamous Gold Club (a gentleman's club)
over the summer.
Just like my man Terrell, I'll enjoy watching
the Cougars strip the Bulldogs. Cougars, 36-30.