Liberals make excuses
I have been inspired to take off my Republican
glasses of clarity, truth and logic and to replace them with the rose lenses
of liberalism, just for
long enough to see Osama bin Laden as
liberal Democrats see him: as a hero who's overcome adversity. A person
like Andrea Yates, who is
not accountable for her own actions. Now
of course poor Andrea had post-partum depression, so that's her excuse
... er, um, I mean, reason.
Now let's visit utopian liberal-thinking
world, where no one is accountable for their actions. On with the rose-colored
glasses; exit reality, enter
Bin Laden's is quite a triumphant story
when we take into consideration what he has been through in his life. Poor
bin Laden is not to blame
for his actions; they are the fault of
his parents and surroundings during his childhood and early youth.
"We can be circumspect by simply digging
a little and seeing that this man could be diagnosed with temporary insanity
for his actions," says a
renowned activist defense attorney.
In my interviewing of several psychologists
and attorneys it can definitely be concluded that bin Laden's past abuse
and mistreatment during
childhood is the obvious catalyst for
the outcome of the "terrorist attacks."
"Not only is bin Laden not to blame for
the attacks because of a psychological disorder, but also because he is
simply a hero fighting for his
country's freedom," says Senator Liberal
I, as a member of the fine institution
of this nation known to you as the media, have delved into bin Laden's
life and childhood. Many "patriotic"
citizens of our country seek revenge at
this time for the pain they feel at the loss of loved ones and fellow countrymen.
Why can't we take a
moment and talk this thing over like our
great god Bill Clinton?
Better yet, why don't we have bin Laden
as president and that other guy, who didn't inhale, as vice president so
that we as Americans can
enjoy more freedom and get together with
our 10 or 20 wives and smoke a joint while singing "Hotel California"?
Bin Laden believes in his religion so much
that he justifies killing women for showing their faces or going out in
"Bin Laden is just misunderstood; we can't
blame him for his actions. He's from a dysfunctional millionaire family,"
said Whiney Bleedingheart,
a college student at Yale University.
I asked a well-known Democratic politician
what he thought about bin Laden and our nation's current situation. He
had this to say: "Hey, I
admire the guy; I mean if he can have
all those women for himself and not have the government hassle him about
it, how can we so hastily
judge and blame this poor victim of a
man for what has been done?
"He is an icon for his honorable group
of freedom fighters. A ray of shining light for all of us who are also
from abused homes, situations of
neglect, people who kill their five children
while suffering from post-partum depression, and a beacon of hope for those
of us with a dream to
overcome it all and seek true freedom.
"I hope we will be there in Nirvana someday
with Osama bin Laden and the 13 virgins. He is proof that those who've
come from abuse and
dysfunction can make it too.
"Who cares about our founding fathers right
now; that was the past. Look where 'In God We Trust' has gotten us. Nowhere.
Really, has all of
this Bible fairy tale stuff gotten us
anywhere when we have such a great man among us now? You have the power
to choose and protest
against the current fundamentalism and
embrace this new ray of light, which seeks out true freedom from the bonds
of conservative America."
As I reflect on what I've thought during
my liberal touchy-feely high, I decide I'll stick to being a conservative
Republican, with a grip on reality
and principles rather than emotions and
the socialist bandwagon. God bless you and God bless America.
DeLano, a sophomore political
science major, can be reached at email@example.com.