Hi 92 / Lo 76
|Volume 68, Issue 1,
Thursday, August 29, 2002
Cougars have taken enough pity on Owls
I'm appalled. I bust my butt for the past two years as a dedicated sports writer, logging countless hours and miles covering the Cougars, and now as The Daily Cougar's editor in chief (thanks, but please hold the applause for the column's conclusion), you'd think a brother would finally get some love. You'd think.
But love doesn't live in Rm. 151 of the Communication Building anymore, because the first sports assignment I get from Sports Editor Ed De La Garza after all the accolades and adulation is a damn story about the Bad News Bears of college football — the Rice Owls. Thanks Ed. I guess Rodney Dangerfield isn't the only one not getting respect.
The 2002 Bayou Bucket has us dueling with our "rival," the Owls. Let's get something straight here: just because Rice resides in the same city, that doesn't mean it's our rival.
For the uninitiated, this column is meant to be a satirical view of our weekly football opponents.
So have a little fun, similar to what we're going to do Saturday.
I'll give you a little background on the school and its history.
Rice was the dream (some say a nightmare) of businessman William Marsh Rice. He requested that a portion of his fortune go to the realization of Houston's first university. This is where things get interesting. Well, as interesting as things get at Rice.
See, Rice was poisoned by his boyfr ... err, valet, which ended a love affair and began a murder trial. The school eventually opened its gates in 1912, despite having had a president since 1908. You can wake up now; our history lesson is now complete.
UH-Rice is similar to the preeminent pugilist picture, Rocky. Remember that film? Remember how Apollo Creed pounded and punished Rocky Balboa for seemingly an eternity and later befriended him because the kid was so untalented and pitiful? See a connection here?
Not only have we pounded and punished Rice since 1971, but we've plain steamed, fried and boiled Rice to the melancholic tune of 20 wins in 28 games.
But like Apollo, we have relented the past two years and allowed — yes,
I said allowed — the ultimate underdog to fetch the last two victories.
Rice fans can stop wagging their collective tails, because the Scooby snacks
stop here and now. We've never lost three consecutive games to
They say God gave rock 'n' roll to us, but he also left us Rice University, its football program, fans and its awful marching band, the Marching Owl Band. I guess even God isn't perfect.
So let's bring the Bucket back home. Let's say Cougars 23, Rice 21.
Monday, I promised to run naked through Robertson Stadium if we were invited to a bowl game. This was not intended as a taunt, more as a prod to push our team to victory. I estimate we'd need seven-to-eight victories for a berth.
So, a promise is a promise. If we're playing in December, I'll give everyone a night to remember, or forget.
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