Hi 70 / Lo 49
|Volume 68, Issue 53,
Thursday, November 7, 2002
ECU looks down on UH fans
This is a disclaimer. If you take this column seriously or as fact, your parents are probably blood relatives. The columnis nature is lighthearted, over-the-top satire. Enjoy.
Houston, we have a problem. Scratch that. East Carolina has a problem with Houston. Scratch that. Let me clarify. East Carolinais head coach, Steve Logan, has a problem with UHis fan support. Logan claims the lack of fans at Robertson Stadium makes it difficult for his kitty Pirates to get excited.
With comments like these, Steve is acting like his counterpart Steve-O from Jackass. It seems like a 2-5 team would have more things to worry about. ECU must be a team full of Michael J. Foxes running around, because it doesnit know the secret to anyoneis success. It may have the secret recipe to humble pie, but thatis all.
Since the team stinks and itis in the crack of the country, North Carolina, letis toss out the nickname Pirates and change it to the Butt-Pirates.
Oh, did I forget to congratulate you and your Butt-Pirates on winning the Crack Championship, awarded to the worst football team in North Carolina? To date, the Butt-Pirates have lost to the Duke Blue Devils (who owned the nationis longest losing streak until they beat the Butt-Pirates) and Wake Forest Demon Deacons, two basketball schools renowned for inept playing on the football field.
The history of East Carolina University is about as interesting as bottled water. The school was founded in 1907, and at the time, declined to include a geography department.
Anyone ever heard of the state of East Carolina?
After years of masquerading as a state, it wouldnit surprise me if ECU wasnit lying about its status as a university either.
Itis just a glorified high school.
Itis Homecoming. Itis also the first time in more than two years when UH will be battling for a bowl position. Unless youire having heart transplant surgery Saturday, show up. No excuses. If liil Stevie Logan and his Butt-Pirates are uncomfortable with sparse crowds, letis shock ‘em by showing up en masse.
Me and my big mouth. Looks like Dana Dimel and the boys on the football team want to see my mouth (and other big parts) streak in Robertson Stadium. For the uninformed, I promised to run naked through Robertson Stadium if weire invited to a bowl game.
We are now 4-4, possibly two games away from making that a reality. In the past, Iive invited people to streak with me, but now Iim altering it a bit. You can also run the field with me clothed. If youire interested, e-mail email@example.com.
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