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Volume 68, Issue 69, Wednesday, December 4, 2002


Cowboys should be better

The Longest Yard

Stuart H. Clements

Iive had to face some hard truths this season regarding the NFL. Probably the most important is I donit like professional football. What bothers me is the fact that self-absorbed overachievers and, in some cases, criminals are making buttloads more money than I am.

And for what? Are they contributing to the overall welfare of society? No. Simply put, sports has grossly replaced religion in this country. For example, when do you watch football? Thatis right, on Sunday when you should be at church praying for your sins.

For the amount of money these bozos are making, they should be curing cancer or solving the worldis energy problems. Instead, theyire playing with balls in games that have severe overtones of penis worship and sexual perversion. But itis entertaining, and thatis why we watch.


How ‘bout them Cowboys?

Two other truths that Iive had to face are undeniably less severe, but still twist at my heart. First, no matter how much you root for your team, it will not win — unless youire one of those fair-weather types.

For example, my favorite team since birth has been Americais team, the Dallas Cowboys. Sure, theyire on a streak of two wins, but look at the teams theyive lost to this season.

Iill mention only two to make my point: the Houston Texans and the Arizona Cardinals. The Cardinals even tried their hardest to lose that game, but couldnit help but win in overtime 9-6. How pathetic.

Need more proof? Whois their starting quarterback? I hear Cowboys owner Jerry Jones himself is trying out for the position in spring training.

The best you can do is root against your favorite team and hope that fate has a sense of irony. Americais team is 5-7. It should at least be 7-5. All I can hope for is that it loses the rest of its games quick, so thereis no hope of it making the playoffs.

No Hall of Fame

The roughest part of the season was when I finally came to the realization that Buffalo Bills quarterback Drew Bledsoe would probably never be a Hall-of-Famer, despite some astounding performances this season.

Most recently, the Bills polished the Miami Dolphins, the leaders of the AFC East, of which both teams are a part.

The 38-21 pasting came despite a 288-yard rushing attack from Dolphins running back Ricky Williams. Bledsoe went 15 of 27 to throw for 306 yards and three touchdown passes during Sundayis game. Bledsoe, of all people, took one across the endzone himself with a two-yard rush to get the six.

Even after a strong start for the Dolphins, the Bills came back to give a beating. Miami led for most of the first half, and though they didnit go to the locker room at halftime with the advantage, they came back a reclaimed first thing in the third quarter. But they still couldnit hold on to a lead with Bledsoe and his massive air assault, which cost the AFC East leaders the win. Now only one game separates the top two teams from the bottom two in that division.


Despite a narrow loss to the New Orleans Saints, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers will hold on to have a shot for the Super Bowl in 2003. Though the Saints trail by only one game in division now, the Bucs still have enough wins to make it into the playoffs. Theyire still my favorite for National Champions this season.

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