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Volume 72, Issue 47, Wednesday, October 25, 2006


Fighting Words 

THE ISSUE: How long do you think that dirt would have stayed on Kenny Rogers' hand if the blues had not said anything to him, and would it be wrong to mention his name in the same sentence as Shawne Merriman?

The Burn (Jong Lee, ***)

NFL loves steriods

I think it would have been on his hand the whole game, if FOX didn't have all those different camera angles on it. They did go back and watch some tape on the rest of Kenny Rogers' post-season games, and they have said that they've found the exact same substance on his hand.

I know Fabian is going to say it's dirt, there's no way dirt is that shiny. Fabian needs to get off of Jim Leyland and the Detroit Tigers' jock and take accountability for Rogers' actions and admit he cheated. 

What strikes me as weird is that Rogers pitched better after he took the "dirt" (pine-tar) off his hand. This would have been a much bigger deal if he left it on the whole game and Fox caught it later, and if Tony LaRussa and the St. Louis Cardinals actually complained.

For the Shawne Merriman situation, that doesn't even come close to what Rogers did. Luis Castillo of the San Diego Chargers got caught using steroids during the combine and still got drafted. Todd Sauerbrun got caught, twice, and it wasn't that big of a deal. 

When baseball players cheat, however, it's almost the end of the world. Sosa and his corked bat had him run out of Chicago, A-Rod and his slap against Boston had him painted as the goat. These two situations don't even compare. Sure it's a blow for the Chargers, but the awful truth is, it's more acceptable to cheat in football than baseball. Baseball is all numbers and that's what they go by, while football goes beyond the numbers.

TITAN (Mark Suarez, ***)

Dr. Phil lives here

As always, it's an absolute pleasure to be here. Judge Dredd, I would like to offer you my deepest apologies for the disgusting behavior I have displayed on this fine forum in recent weeks. You are truly a wise and great man, one that I have much to learn from. And Fabian and Jong, jolly good show chaps!

Now that I'm done filling the pages of The Daily Cougar with more manure than the truckload that spilled into Biff Tannan's 1946 Ford in Back to the Future.

That brown spot on the hand of Kenny Rogers doesn't prove anything. So the guy got busted using some pine tar to get better grip on the ball, that doesn't exactly put him in the front seat of the steroid parade. The only thing Rogers is guilty of is getting caught. There's an old saying in baseball, "If you ain't cheating you ain't tryin'." Shawn Merriman got busted for steroids, not grease spots. If the umpires had not called him out for it he still would have gone on to blow 70 mph heat by the Cardinal hitters sporting that liver spot. The Gambler has been dealing this October and I don't think Albert Pujols and Scott Roland are seeing Wiffle balls up there. 

Rogers might have a thing for bullying cameramen, but that doesn't mean he should be America's most wanted after trying to get over with some palm dirt at the World Series. Every pitcher in the league pulls this same kind of stuff to get over, just like hitters and managers do. 

HE HATE ME (Fabian Sifuentes, ***)

Devil's Advocate tale

I wish I was The Gambler's attorney so I could advise him to sue every last person who has called him a cheater over the last three days.

ESPN is guilty of drumming up a story because its usual coverage is too boring to hold the attention of baseball fans. So what, Rogers had some dirt on his hand, and it happened to be on the same spot as it was the last two starts. Big deal. 

If you watch women's beach volleyball, you will notice how sand sticks on sweaty bodies. Coincidently, it sticks and shines the same way on the phantom cheating palm area Rogers has had. Unless major league baseball allows a sweat wiper on the field, how will Rogers wipe his brow? He will do it with his left palm since he can't use his fingers or get accused of cheating. That would explain why he has had the same dirt stain on the same part of his palm.

Rogers has pitched the three best games of his career. Obviously, he has been in the mythical zone. He was too deep in thought to concern himself with cleaning the dirt from his hand. Why does everyone have to hate on the man? 

If the Hot Seat and other lame additions to SportsCenter were not enough, this latest fiasco proves that ESPN has jumped the shark when it comes to sports coverage.


‘I shoot people to live'

Jong, Judge Dredd agrees with your generality that the media, particularly ESPN, has down played Merriman's steroid abuse suspension. But, to say that it is more acceptable to use the ‘roids in the NFL is a load of you-know-what.

A four-game suspension is a big deal because of the length of the NFL season. That's the equivalent to 45 games in the MLB, whose policy only calls for a 10 game suspension — big discrepancy. 

Now to Kenny Rogers and his dirt clump. It could have been dirt, but more than likely it was pine tar. If it's just dirt, you don't need to go into the clubhouse to clean it off. Dirt wipes off just fine on baseball uniforms.

Mark, Judge Dredd can't believe you let Jong call you out and you had no response. For your display of sissydom and your attempt to show compassion to your fellow columnists, who happen to be dudes by the way, you are disqualified. Take those feelings back where they came from Dr. Phil

Dredd's Verdict: Fabian wins because he referenced women's beach volley.


He Hate Me says: Stop hatin' on The Gambler. 

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