Park your car in the garage and lock up your black cats, it's Halloween, kiddies! As I warned last week, the Big Three networks all have their cheesy scare flicks (Frankenstein on NBC) in place.
For my money though, Fox had the best horror programming for the season. For those of you who missed it, The Simpsons' Halloween special was about as brilliant as network TV can be.
The "Homega Man" episode was fantastic, with Homer Simpson realizing he's the last man on Earth, kicking skeletal heads out of the way in movie theaters and traffic jams.
King of the Hill followed the animated hijinks with a biting attack on hysterical small-town Christians seeking to ban trick-or-treating. Who can forget the zealot running over her own cat while chasing Hank Hill and his tubby son?
By the way, I have both these episodes on tape if you must see them. E-mail me or send me a check.
Last week's Drew Carey Show really hit home. Drew got passed up for a promotion by a better-looking guy with a better body. Determined to get in shape, Drew tried his luck with "Vitabeer," a supposed miracle beer that helps you lose weight (you can see where this is going).
Drew was forced to bring the billboard featuring his enormous beer belly down. He eventually won out, though. He was awarded a trip to Hawaii, but with a catch. He had to return with the body of the very man who got his promotion. Seems the guy had a heart attack, but his chest muscles were so thick that the adrenaline shot never made it through.
That sort of "good looks" policy actually exists within the halls of the Daily Cougar. Examples? Look at some of the columnists. Brenda "Cheap Eats" Tavakoli, Amanda "Whatever" Mahmoudi, Rohith "My God, Don't Kill Bambi!" Nandagiri, and Joey "I Know Nothing About Music" Guerra. These people are attractive. But then there's me. C'mon, you think I was given this column? Please! The stud who was supposed to write this was tragically killed in a strip bar/revolving stage accident. I lucked into this gig, man.
The good may inherit the Earth, but the ugly get to write about TV.
Oh, and if you ever wondered what the rest of the staff looks like, Editor in Chief Scott Williams eerily resembles Drew Carey, minus about 80 lbs. and the dorky glasses, with a well-trimmed beard tacked on. Switched at birth ...?
Don't miss First Lady Hillary Clinton on Oprah this afternoon. It should be interesting to see what she has to say about her hubby and this strange woman who seems to know so much about his unmentionables ...
If you're into Goldie Hawn, or simply want to marvel at her directoral debut, you can catch Hope tonight on TNT (for those with basic cable). The drama revolves around a young girl who witnesses a racial murder and deals with prejudice when she reveals the truth about the crime. Hope airs tonight at 7 p.m.
Everyone loves Sinbad, right? Apparently, so do the powers-that-be at Vibe. They gave the old host, Chris Spencer, the boot in favor of Sinbad. Spencer, according to the Vibe-ers, didn't take advice very well, or not at all. Sinbad comes off as a bit of a "yes man" and may actually owe executive producer Quincy Jones money. He took over on the 27th and has his work cut out for him. Keenan Ivory Wayans's show is doing quite well.
Just as I think the "best Jack in the Box commercial" thingy had run its course, I'm still assaulted with e-mail. Feel free to voice your opinions at BoobToobGy@aol.com, but I'm moving on. But first ...
"This is my official vote for the best Jack in the Box commercial. It's the first one, where we see him in a suit with a detonator ready to blow up the Jack in the Box headquarters.
"It's obviously symbolic for when they blew up his image in the previous campaign. But hey, let's give credit to that ad team. They reinvented Jack and now all have antenna balls on their Lexi."
-Kathy Meyn, via e-mail
Lexi? I take it you're referring to the plural of "Lexus?" Get your own damn column!
I love British comedy, and will be taking a look at some of the better shows on PBS. Also, "Tales from the Converter Box."
But last, since I'm obviously on this commercial kick, I'd like to hear your comments on the best Levi's commercial. I think they've got something with this interconnected plot thing. Or maybe I just need a life.