|Wednesday, October 21, 1998||
Volume 64, Issue 42
GOP relations with Religious Right are unfortunate
R. Alex Whitlock
Dear Republican Party,
I 'm afraid it's time that we talked. I'm concerned for your well being. I know you must be wondering why you should be listening to me, as I left your bed years ago for my own.
Recently, you've even seen me in a flirtatious relationship with your rival, the Democratic Party. Rest assured that while I may care for the Democratic Party, my feelings for you are no less sincere.
It seems within the last few decades you've taken on an quite unseemly relationship with your rival, the democratic party . Rest assured that, while I may care for the democratic party, my feelings for you are no less sincere.
It seems within the last few decades you've taken on quite an unseemly relationship with a rather questionable character known as religious right. You may think it's just harmless fun, but there are really some unfortunate circumstances at issue. Your recent behavior is a testament to this. Instead of working for those issues that used to be so important to you, such as fiscal responsibility, you've been shamelessly spending all your time doing your beloved's work for him.
Time and time again, you've demonstrated that you're nothing but a pawn to your unfortunate bedmate. Now you're probably thinking, "You just say that because you've never gotten along with my beloved.' You're absolutely right. I've never much cared for his type, and he's never much cared for mine.
The problem is, no one really likes him, and your relationship with him has many people who would otherwise support you supporting your opponent.
Besides that, your intimate relationship with the Religious Right is completely unproductive. You and I both share a common compassion for personal responsibility and personal freedom.
However, your abrasive mate makes you look like a hypocrite when you persecute others exercising their freedom of sexuality.
Your job is legislation and perception. These attacks are without legislative end, and overall, they only hurt your perception.
There is no logical reason for you to concentrate on these counterproductive issues and the Sleaze when none of the three will ultimately succeed. Besides, the timing is too right for other conservative goals. The answer always comes back to the same thing: Your insipid infatuation with the despotic Religious Right.
I know what you're thinking: "We're perfect for each other. He gives me what I really need (money)." That's inaccurate. You are supposed to stand for freedom, but so long as you remain loyal to the Rabid Right, you come across as self-contradictory.
Besides, even if it were true, the cost is simply too high. The political climate has even forced your rival to mimic you in ways that must tear away at her liberal, primal urges.
Instead of taking advantage of the situation, you've utterly wasted it with your unholy and cancerous alliance with Religious Right.
Now you're thinking, "But by beloved has the resources to make our dreams of fiscal and personal responsibility a reality." How conniving of you to be using your bedmate in such a fashion.
Unfortunately, in your present state, it is difficult to determine where he ends and you begin.
Under those circumstances, you've become too entrapped by your beloved to really pursue your own goals. You cannot accept his money and not give him what he ask for in return. In the words of the alternative band They Might Be Giants, "You can't shake the Devil's hand and say you're only kidding.
I can only implore you to please break free from this destructive relationship. I know it's always difficult to cut yourself off from someone you were once close to, but sometimes it must be done.
It also works. Harry Truman shed his reputation of being in the pockets of labor during the election of 1948 and it enabled him to enjoy greater mainstream appeal.
I know you can do it. Too many people are counting on you. Right now you enjoy a conservative nation. In the future, I fear you many no longer have that luxury. There will come a day when liberalism will be in favor again, and you will be needed to stop the country from succumbing to unfettered socialism.
This election season, I will be voting for a precious few Republicans.
Please don't force me, or any other independents, to do that in the future.
Whitlock, a sophomore information
systems technology major,
can be reached at email@example.com.
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